The outside of a horse

"There's something about the outside of a horse that's good for the inside of a man."

I read this quote years ago, and it resonated with me. Its so true... horses, at least for me, make me feel lighter, braver, happier, more alive.

One horse, especially, did this for me. Her name was Tareana, and she was, quite literally, the first love of my life. I got her when I was 13 years old- I remember I pined for my own horse, and when we went and saw the then 16 year old mare, I thought she was a little plain... just a plain bay mare, no white markings, and she wasn't very friendly. My mom saw something else- a horse who was safe for a girl who needed a little bit of a challenge but not too much. We got her and kept her at my uncle's house until we had a place where we could keep her. I'm so glad my mother saw what I couldn't see then.

The day she came to her home, I made up a song about it. I sang it as I walked to school, in class, on the way home, and I just about came out of my skin as I saw the trailer come down the road. Oh, goodness... I cried tears of joy.

This was the start of something that would consume my life for years. I went for rides almost every day. I spent so much time with Tare... there are so many happy memories.... the Christmas ride with bells on the horse's bridle- both Tareana and her friend Buddy didn't really like that. The day it snowed and the ride we went on that day (Tareana didn't really like that either.) The time I fell off when Tareana spooked and I got dragged- but she stopped as soon as she could and actually avoided stepping on me. The time my dad died and I cried on her neck. The time she had to go to the horse hospital and the vet techs asked why my horse was so snobby. (She was always like that to everyone but me.) I remember playing tag with her, watching her run away with her tail flipped over her back. I remember taking her for walks, just because she liked to get out so much. How, no matter how long it had been since I had seen her, she would come running and whinnying. Laughing as she sucked the juice out of her favorite treat, apples. Laughing as she lifted her leg like a dog does when I scratched her belly. Belly laughing when I watched her ignore my mother and come to me. Smiling when she got angry when I gave her a bath (but she was always polite and never did anything bad.)

I could go on, and on, and on. Tareana has been one of my greatest sources of joy and laughter and comfort for the better part of 15 years.

I had to watch Tareana say goodbye to this life on Sunday. She fell, and she couldn't get back up. I had to make the painful decision to let her pass on. I kissed her and told her how much I loved her. I told her how thankful I was for her, how much happiness she brought to my life. I apologized for the way she hurt herself. I told her there was a special place in heaven for horses who were as good as her. I petted her nose and helped her relax, because she kept on struggling to get back up. And I watched her leave.

My friend told me that a girl loses a little bit of herself when she loses her horse. Nothing could be truer. But my life has been so much the better, all because of one plain bay mare who became so much more than I ever imagined she could be.